The Crafty Comrade

Laaaazy

2011-06-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

I am so lazy. So so very lazy. I am finally back to having Wednesdays off and its amazing... except for the heart crushing feeling that I'm going to waste every single one being unproductive and silly. I could have gone to the beach! I could have gotten a tan! I could have walked along the Charles river taking photos of pretty birds! I could have made something! I could have written a blog about making something! Instead I creeped around the internet for a while, lusting over random interior design blogs and crafty diy projects and then this is a short list of what I did.

1. Watch random music videos that have come out.
2. Dance horribly for about 25 minutes until I catch a glimpse of myself dancing in the mirror.
3. Feel bad for myself.
4. Convince myself that its an evil fat mirror that used to be a wardrobe mirror so it basically doesn't count as a true reflection and in real life I'm probably AT LEAST 10 pounds lighter.
5. Dance for 5 more minutes in a subdued manner.
6. Talk to my Aunt about sex.
7. Clean the Kitchen!!!!
8. Give up on cleaning the kitchen because its hot and smells and I broke a nail.
9. Feel bad for myself and my nail.
10. Load the broken dishwasher.
11. Pray for it to work.
12. Wipe down the kitchen so it at least looks like I did something.
13. Go back to creeping random blogs on the internet.

I AM A HERO. But at least I've realized that my kitchen is slowly coming together and starting to look quite nice, and barely like its a rental kitchen.

SNEAK PEEK:

Dumplings

2011-05-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight I made dumplings. I love dumplings. I LOOOOOOVE dumplings. So what if its a mite time consuming to make them from scratch? I mean I'm sure if I Google inspirational quotes at least 50% of them will be about how work/effort makes the resulting reward more amazing and blah blah blah.

I mean, god that photo is making me salivate just looking at it. Thirty minutes of effort is surely worth this. Plus I would get MAD girlfriend points. That's how I convinced myself. That's pretty much exactly went through my head. In an effort to obtain extra girlfriend points I also changed from my work clothes to striped thigh highs and an over-sized sweatshirt because hell, might as well be the SUPER SEXY girlfriend that happens to also make her boyfriend dumplings from SCRATCH. Doesn't that practically make me a demi-goddess?

I think I imagined myself looking something like this:

I sauntered into the living room. I loudly proclaimed "I think I'm going to make some delicious dumplings. You like those, right?" (I'm very smooth, don't try these moves at home). Mikes response was something along the lines of "Um yeah, that sounds great. What are you wearing?". Clearly he was seduced by my outfit/culinary aspirations. I didn't say anything, I just strolled by and gave him a casual kiss and then sauntered onto the kitchen.

That's when I began having problems staying oh so sexy. The onion I was cutting up was clearly from Satans own personal vegetable garden because instead of a little bit of tearing up I found myself standing over the sink, running water and sobbing. My eyes felt like they were being gouged out by a sea urchin. Oh my god the pain. Plus it wouldn't go away. This torture lasted around twenty minutes. Thankfully Mike didn't seem to notice so I was able to compose myself and return to being very seductive albeit with very red eyes.

Then the stupid wonton wrappers wouldn't fold in a pretty manner. I even watched a Youtube video. But nope, they wouldn't stay pleated like in the photos/video. So I improvised. Unfortunately while concentrating hard on folding the wrapper correctly I was clearly overwhelmed when I succeeded and put the perfect dumpling in my mouth. And began chewing. I really don't know why. I was spacing out a bit, I was a little hungry... I don't know why I put my only perfectly formed dumpling in my mouth.

So then I had to Google food poisoning from raw beef and that lead to tapeworms being typed into the Google search box... I was distracted for quite a while. Eventually I was able to return the the dumpling making. Though no more flawless dumplings were to be made. Because of course. About thirty minutes later I had a little plate full ready to cook.

Of course I chose to pan fry them, which involves first frying them in oil for a bit and then adding water and steaming them. Sounds easy. It isn't. I can never figure out how much water to add and basically... well lets just say they didn't come out looking like that first photo.

Instead they came out looking like this

--------------------->

Don't get me wrong. They were still delicious. I taste tested one before arranging them on a plate to bring out to Mike. Then I realized I hadn't heard from him in a while. I mean he stopped by briefly while I was preparing the dumplings, BARELY acknowledged my cuteness and skills, took a photo for me and disappeared. Hm, I wondered, where's Mike?

Yeah this was pretty much what was going on. UM. Why was my seductive culinary sorceress act not working? Where were my extra girlfriend points?! Excuuuuuuuse me?

Thats when I began to suspect that perhaps I didn't resemble an American Apparel model in my sweatshirt and thigh highs and instead like the love child of an eskimo and a witch.

OH. MY.GOD.

Oh just one more thing about Tufts...

2011-05-18T23:49:00.001-07:00

I mean, really. Need I say more?

Tufts

2011-05-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

While organizing the many many interior design photos that live on my desktop I have realized that I might be slightly obsessed with tufts. Alright. More than slightly. I've saved photos that have merely a glimpse of tufts in them.

Such as this:

It is an adorable living room with beautiful decorations and lighting... but its the tufted chair. The one whose tufts are obscured by a santa hat and a pillow. I can only make out about four tufts but I was sold. Immediately. That's how deep my love for tufted ANYTHING is. I mean, I know I have already proclaimed my desire for a tufted headboard... But I have also realized another dream of mine is to own a tufted ottoman. I have come to this realization after discovering over TWENTY different photos of various tufted ottomans. Haha I don't think I've ever come to a realization about myself in quite such a manner. I'm a little embarrassed, truth be told and my only comfort will come from making you just as obsessed with tufted ottomans as I, apparently, am.

Tufted chaise lounges are pretty amazing as well.

I think what I love so much about tufted furniture in general is that it looks very luxurious and chic yet is so very versatile. The tufts somehow manage to make furniture look plusher and softer while enhancing its shape and structure. It brings sophistication to a room without bring the stuffiness. I MUST TUFT EVERYTHING. The tufting monster has awakened.
Thankfully there are enough tutorials online to not only instruct me in the art of tufting... but also to tame the tufting monster inside me by showing me what a b***ch it would be. Though actually it doesn't look THAT difficult.

Modhomeecteacher on Curbly.com wrote a great DIY post on Mock Tufting. GREAT. So great that its convinced me that I could mock tuft my couch. Now if only it would convince Mike to let me Mock Tuft the couch.

On Young House Love I found a pretty thorough tutorial on how to build a tufted ottoman by Kara Paslay. As in from scratch. The power tools intimidated me until I read the "Cut a piece of wood (or MDF) to the coffee table size of your choice, unless of course you are using your current coffee table to save some moolah." Oh but duh. Ok less scared now.

Now if only I could find a secondhand ottoman to tuft like on the site Peppertowne. Or a cute baby. No no ottoman! But the baby is pretty cute. OTTOMAN. Right. the difference between the before ottoman and the after is pretty amazing.

Officially my FAVORITE tufted ottoman DIY post comes from Jenny on Little Green Notebook. Gosh just admire this gorgeousness. THIS... THIS is the one I will be attempting first. Though I have no room really for a tufted ottoman. Or any idea where to put one. Considering this, I'm not sure when I will be constructing this beautiful ottoman.. never mind making others haha. I have no idea why I wrote that that's the one I'll be attempting "first". See this is why we need to move to a bigger apartment. So I can construct this ottoman and produce many similar ottoman babies. Do I even NEED to argue my case further?

Brimfield!

2011-05-15T18:54:00.001-07:00

Some of my finds from Brimfield. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to get down there. I only wish I had more money and more time to peruse the many amazing bits and pieces that were down there. Still I got a pretty nice collection of painted glass and antlers!!

There were tables filled with old photographs and postcards. All pretty reasonably priced.

Can't wait to figure out exactly what I'm going to do with the antlers. At first I was thinking of painting them, but Mike went all "aww what?!" on me so now I feel bad. I mean it IS a piece of dead deer. Should I be disgracing the corpse even more? So I went looking for ideas.

The jewelry hanging off the antlers is the look I'm liking best I think. Now I think I'm going to mount it, but cover the hairy skull part with pretty fabric and use it to hold my jewelry. Like a ceremonious piece. Hear that dead deer? Please don't come back to haunt me!

If ONLY!

2011-05-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

I honestly can't wait to own property. That and unlimited money OH EM GEE. Oh on a completely unrelated side not, today I tried to text "what the hell" to a friend of mine and my phone auto corrected it to "what the hello". Which is now my new favorite thing to say. BAM. See how that happened? Welcome to my life.

Anyways. Back to dreaming about owning real estate and having millions of dollars. I'm very unique, I know. But I want to be able to tear up floors, lay my own; tear down walls, cry in frustration when I realize I'm weak and can't build them back up... but wait this is MY fantasy so in it I can be strong and capable, right? I will build furniture out of pallets and hope, refinish and repaint everything and create my perfect haven. The thing is, I do live in a pretty adorable apartment with my pretty adorable boyfriend and, in theory, I could save up money and buy/build all the furniture I want. Like a padded tufted headboard. Preferably in a slightly pastel aqua color. Or turquoise.

Like this:

Or this:

Actually some sort of combination of those would be amazing. I've scrolled through unique headboard ideas on design blogs with an almost perverted obsession. I've read the tutorials. Reread the tutorials. Lightly run my fingers across the tutorial photos on my computers monitor while holding my breath reverently. Ok maybe I didn't do that. Maybe I did. I AM NOT TELLING. Anyways.

This rather amazing tutorial actually instructs you on how to make an ENTIRE upholstered bed. Oh be still my heart. It doesn't even seem that complicated. But after reading and rereading it I've realized a number of things.

1) I can't do basic math. This tutorial involved measuring. I have a full bed. The measurements given involve a queen. I suppose I could figure out... no no I couldn't. I really couldn't. I haven't fully mastered counting on my fingers. The other day to illustrate my point about how I tried to wake Mike up 6ive times I held up just my hand. Yes I've noticed that I've written 6ive. That was an accident but it perfectly illustrates my daily dumb struggle with numbers. I meant to write six. I wrote five. Then instead of deleting "five" and writing "six", I thought that 6ive would work. Right. Moving on.

2) I could drill. I could hammer. I could put in the corner screws and I could even clear enough room in my bedroom to construct the bed. I want to be perfectly clear about the fact that I could construct this. If the measurements somehow were given to me by a trusted source. I could do this. Except for my cats. There is in no way Rex and Grisha would let me construct this. Oh I could lock them out of the room. Then I would have to listen to them whining. Crying. Fighting outside the door. Throwing themselves against the door. And the thing is...

THEY WOULDN'T STOP. Nope. They egg each other on, so its not like I can ignore them and eventually the Feline Armageddon outside the door would stop. Nope. Because they know I can hear them. THEY KNOW. And if I let them in... well if you've ever owned a cat you would know what would happen. Rex would try to help by lying across all the materials and since he's roughly the size of a pony he would also take up any space I planned on using to actually build the goddamn bed. Grisha would just eat the glue and then vomit on my laundry or something precious.

SO yeah. Even if the end result would look like this...

I would look like a cross between this:

And this:

The thing is, there are easier projects out there. In theory I don't need to build or buy a new bed frame. My stupid ugly metal one full of squeaks and evil IS fine. I just hate it. BUT, I could just make myself a simple padded headboard. Such as this. It's totally do-able. But I want tufts. Oh god do I want tufts. I could I guess modify it to have tufts. I could. I'd make the entire process much more difficult than it has to be, and will probably injure myself in some way... but I could do it. But the thing is, foam is expensive. Even if I saved up AND had a coupon to Jo-Ann Fabrics or Michaels... I couldn't justify spending that much money on a project I could mess up. I guess I need to stalk some more design and DIY blogs until I gather the courage to do this. Later I'll add what my current headboard looks like. You will go "Aw thats not so bad" but secretly will giggle and point. And pity me a bit I'm SURE.

OOooh...

2011-04-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

Stumbleupon has taken over my life. Now instead of cleaning and organizing and decorating... I sit and stumble and ooh and ahh over beautiful photos, amazing designs and cute baby animals. FOREVER AND EVER. Like this from notmartha found via moredesignplease.

I WANT I NEED I MUST MAKE!! Not sure I have the ingredients, or the cooking utensils, or the precious little bowls and matching plates... which just means I need to buy them. Naturally. I mean, sure sure we're on a budget, and I probably wont right NOW. But I mean clearly this needs to be made. By me. I'll be the amazing super great cook to make this. And everyone will bow to my awesomeness. DONE.

Kitchen Bureau Curtains

2011-04-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

Ah. It's been a while. That's all I'll say about that. Maybe more later. Currently I am living in a pretty spacious one bedroom in Watertown with my Boyfriend and my two cats, working at a wholesale produce distributor and getting obsessed with interior decorating. The intellectual inside me (shut up shut up, I do to have a small tiny intellectual side!) will connect my need to decorate my surroundings to my family always moving around when I was a kid... but now that I'm no longer living in dorms or with roommates... I'm obsessed. Our apartment is kind of oddly designed, with one tiny window in a nook in our living room, a triangular shower and 2004 Special Edition Hustlers hidden on top of our ugly wooden kitchen cabinets. One of the main "Oh what the f*ck?" things about our apartment was definitely the bureau in the kitchen closet. This is it:

I will admit, the litter box was not there when we moved in... and I just totally noticed that Rex has used it and I have uploaded a photo of what is essentially a used cat lavatory. I apologize. So anyways, as I was saying... the litter box was NOT there when we moved in. And neither were the drawers. This was it. The litter box is practically an improvement. So we lived like this for a few months. I can be the worlds laziest Crafter, so its ugliness alone is not what prompted the making of the kitchen bureau curtains. Nope, nope. As you can see, since I took this photo only after I already started hanging up the curtains (I'm good like that), is that the inside of the curtains have a liner (that's the blue thing). More specifically, a shower curtain liner. And that is, you will be both delighted and fascinated to find out, because my cat Rex has the most epic smelliest poops ever.

In the world.

You could be sitting in the living room, innocently watching a movie and you hear him kinda scratching around in the kitchen and then 3 seconds later it hits you and your eyes tear up and the gagging starts. It's bad. Usual reactions are "Ohmygod, I can't breath", "Ohjesuschrist what is that?" and "Need. Fresh. Air. Must. Leave. Immediately". Oh and of course the classic, "What in gods name do you feed him?!". Rex's poops smells like I imagine an alcoholic babies would. It also doesn't help that he doesn't really fully know how to cover them with cat litter and instead will act out the poop covering motion on anything BUT the cat litter. Such as the wall, the floor, the air. My other cat, Grisha.

So I made this:

Ehh? Ehhh? Pretty nice, huh? Yes. Yes I am much too proud of my curtains but they actually DO make my kitchen closet look less horrible. SO SO much less horrible. And they do block the smell some what, or at least they slow down the rate at which it spreads through the apartment, giving the elderly and young children time to escape.

They're made out of Waverly fabric I think my grandmother gave me many years ago, some grommets I had left over from a different project and an extra shower curtain I had bought on sale from Target for like $0.99. Over all this project cost me about a dollar. So yay!

Of course it took Rex a bit to figure out how to get inside. And he's the smart one out of my two cats.

It's Been A While

2008-08-05T03:50:00.000-07:00

But in my defense I've been babysitting for the second week in a row now, so I really have very little time to write anything. The minute I sit down at the computer it's all "Ooh are you going to play a game? Can I play a game?" or "Masha let's go buy me a dragon" or "Masha, how many Kilotrillabytes are in a Megotallibyte?".

... Shoot me in the head.

I hate disciplining too as a rule but lately I've had to pretty hard core because my mother doesn't at ALL, and well my Dad isn't around. So George has been running around wild and he doesn't listen to anyone, so I figured, well I guess I'll use my cool big sister influence to install some order into his little six year old life.

Which is how I found myself with one leg over the bear barrier yelling, "I SWEAR TO GOD GEORGE ASK ME FOR MONEY ONE MORE TIME!!! NO GO ON ASK ME!! DO IT!! ASK ME ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL JUMP IN HERE I SWEAR!!!!!!". Yeah. I'm good with kids. Other high lights of that Zoo trip: George running from kiosk to kiosk asking for me to buy him everything and ignoring the animals, my grandfather giving lengthy and factually incorrect lectures to random children about the animals in the cages (in one particularly memorable moment, his lecture about the eating habits of a puma was interrupted when a little kid pointed out that that was a wolf), and me constantly having to search for one of them since they had a habit of wandering off without telling me. I also delivered some of my most outrageous lies and threats at that zoo. When George threw a fit because I refused to buy him a Fanta because we were going home for dinner, I was at the end of my tether and told him that fine, fine, I'll buy him a Fanta, but we're not going to leave the Zoo EVER. "FINE! YOU can live in those tiny smelly Duck houses and eat their poop and I am going to play with the bears and the seals and the wolves and they are going to be my friends and they aren't going to be your friends and I'm going to train them to HATE you". This is about the time that he burst into tears and hit me and I picked him up and held him over the pond and threatened to throw him in with his Duck friends if he didn't start acting normal. Thankfully he thought it was scary but funny and stopped and was ok. Some of the mothers looked really horrified though. Pshht. Amateurs.

Still though, running after a Six year Old all day is exhausting. Yesterday he threw his coat at me as we were leaving a guests apartment and I snapped and picked up the coat and raced after him to throw it at him, and I slipped on a fucking totally useless rag left on the floor and flew up in the air, totally showed a random man my panties by accident, and landed on my hip with a shriek that had everyone we were visiting run out into the hall way in horror. My brother burst into laughter. Little fucking demon. I mean I couldn't stop laughing too but I have one more bruise on my hip and my elbow is bruised and I WILL GET HIM FOR THIS.

Amusement at the Park

2008-07-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have a mild obsession with Amusement Parks. I love them. It doesn't even matter if I can't go on the rides, just being there, hearing the screams, the laughter, and even those fucking annoying kids who wont stop sobbing about something... I love it. Ok well maybe not the kids because honestly it's like shut up. Shut up. You are cute, but you look like a little demon monster. Thus taking away your cuteness.... which is all you got working for you. Your chances of being left in the Amusement Park while your parents go treat themselves to frivolous material things has just greatly increased.

I really want to take my little brother here. Now, HE wouldn't be one of those kids. My little brother is pretty bad ass. I mean he gets scared of the rides, but he goes on them anyways, which is more than I can say for a lot of my guy friends. I remember this one time, Tia, Jack, Richie, Aaron and I went to Six Flags for the day, and sure they rode the Superman ride a billion times with no fear but when it came to that scary Elevator of Doom ride, nuh uh no go. You know the one, where you sit with your legs hanging out and they raise you really high and drop you?! And you get that sensation in your belly, the same one you get when you're nervous or flirting with someone you really really like. It's a great ride. None of the guys would go with us. I think I finally convinced Aaron to go after using the "If you REALLY cared for me, you'd go!". It was low of me, I admit. I'm SORRY!! I just knew he would enjoy it... and he DID. Even though he refused to go on it again, I know deep in his heart he totally enjoyed it. That was a really great day actually. It was a really weird combination of sunny with short patches of rain, which basically equaled a very low attendance. Yet all the rides were open and we got that Speed Pass so we never had to wait.

I remember this one time when I was a kid and I went with my family to the Six Flags in New Jersey or somewhere over there, and I was too short to go on the big roller coaster but my Dad lifted me by the pants so it seemed like I was taller than that ruler. The attendant didn't even notice that my feet were just brushing the ground. I really really wish he had. I almost fell out of that fucking thing. I mean I love roller coasters but I remember that terrifying ride to this day. I mean I got nervous when we just touched off and started climbing up because I slid down like a foot into the seat the moment it slanted. My slight discomfort gave away to absolute terror when we went over the crest and dropped down, because I realized that I could EASILY slide out of the big plastic thing that was supposed to be holding me in. How did I realize this? Well when I was about three quarters out and had only one arm through the arm hole holding on to the handle. Yeah that sort of gave it away. I don't know what was worse, having to hold on super tight when we went upside down for fear of falling out, or the pain of my head ricocheting between the plastic U that was supposed to hold me down. Every tight turn, BANG! It was a symphony of pain.

Taught me the importance of those rulers though. Apparently they aren't put there by mean people who want to ruin your fun. I wish I could have found that out in a different way though. Possibly by hearing a cautionary tale of some sort. I wandered around this park for a while. I'd name it but it has like a billion names. It might be Park Pobedy. Or it might be Gorky Park. I think Park Pobedy is the name of the Metro station next to it, but fuck, who cares. It was great. I remember coming here with Arisha, and her refusing to go on any of the scary rides because it would mess up her hair/outfit/general attitude. I also remember coming here with Dima and being bought ice cream cones and wandering around. I like the music they play by the fountain. It seems almost somehow patriotic to me.

Total Video overload right now, I know. It's just well, sometimes I can't get the pics to come out like it really is. I think the carousel is absolutely gorgeous, the horses charming, and just over all the entire park was ridiculously nice. The photos look washed out a bit though, because it was so sunny, and anyways they can't capture the music, the atmosphere or the smells. Not that the video can capture the smells... I'm just going to stop. Right. Now.

This is ittt

2008-07-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

I think this weekend was the closest I've ever come in recent years to recapturing the magic that was my childhood at the Dacha. I think it was when we were walking to the store in the pouring rain, tipsy off of beer and happiness and Dima ran and jumped into a muddy puddle spraying us with mud that I was like "Yeah. This is it".

I slipped and fell off the roof. I went skinny dipping. Boys fought over who would help me put my boots on. I came home at 9 in the morning. It was amazing. I'm bruised, still partially hung over and am still being scolded by my mother. I'm so happy.

Productivity -> Hampered by Hotness

2008-07-17T05:21:00.000-07:00

I'm talking about the heat and my own personal hott-ness. Vain? Yes, terribly. But come on, I look so good! I lost some more weight I think, and I got tan, and my stomach looks tight! Ch-ch-check it out! How did I accomplish this? Well. I'm sick of Russian food. I walk around a lot, and I have intense water fights with the neighborhood kids and apparently there's a shit ton of cardio in surprise sneak attacks.

Of course now it takes me double the amount of time to get dressed. Even less of my own clothing fits me and yet, STILL my mothers clothing looks like it was meant for preschoolers on my body. Oh she's so cute, oh she's so petite everyone says... well yeah but have you ever thought about how SELFISH is it for her to not at all resemble me in body shape, so that I can't wear ANY of her clothes without looking like I grew 4 feet overnight? Yeah. Think about that. Selfish selfish selfish. So yeah that and the fear of kidnapping/accidental marriage/rape makes getting dressed a production of epic proportions. That and it's like 90 degrees out. So I'm wearing shorts and a tshirt, almost ready to leave and my grandpa goes "Those are short shorts huh". Yes well... I mean... isn't that the point of shorts? Wait are you saying I look slutty? Um, well, slutty means... um, like a girl is really really popular with boys... you know, right? Never mind. Never mind. I don't think they had sluts in the Middle Ages. Oh wait, Mary Magdalene? No? Ok lets move on. I'll go change.

So basically I wear the same things over and over again. I did laundry today. That was interesting. I actually had to read the manual for that thing to figure it out. I'm proud to say I conquered the beast. Though this stumped me for some time:

I mean, I just couldn't figure it out. For a minutes I thought maybe I stuff the clothes in around the drum, and somehow that washes it... yeah I know. Thankfully my logic skills kicked in (they do exist, they are just rarely used), and I read the manual and figured it out. Though honestly, how many knobs and options are really needed here folks? I'm not washing a fucking tissue paper gown, I honestly just want my clothes to not smell of sweat. I don't think I own any delicate. Do you mean panties? Oh. Well yeah I own some of those, but honestly, I don't need so many options. Like temperature... why the fuck would I care what temperature my clothes are being washed at? I mean I get hot/warm/cold, but when you give me them in Celsius I'm stumped. Or when you give me the option of picking at what hertz my clothes get washed at. Slow down there buddy... is this washing machine built for nuclear physicists? What the fuck is a hertz?

Also... is this sound normal?

I hope so. I mean my clothes are clean... I think. Smelling nice counts as clean, correct? I also made Blini, and was patting myself on the back for being so productive when my grandfather came in and said "Oh Blini!? I know the PERFECT thing that goes with Blini". Guess what it was. I'll give you a hint. It was *NOT* the perfect thing that goes with Blini. Guess what this is:

If you guessed Mystery Fish in Jelly... that is correct. It is in fact, very smelly mystery fish in a Jello like substance. Only the deep love I have for my Grandpa compelled me to try a bit of this... the taste of which it seems like will never leave my mouth. It wasn't terrible... but it was not good. I think my Grandfathers presentation of it was off. First of all, don't open it and then SUCK THE JELLY. You just sucked fish jelly Grandpa. Yes. Yes you did I just saw you. That was disgusting. No, America has not made me SOFT, you just SUCKED unidentified FISH JELLY. It is NOTHING like Jello. How do I know? I just know!!! Did you seriously just compare it to jello? Grandpa, when was the last time you had Jello, and where did you get it because this is nothing like Jello!!!! Well, for one, it has fish bits floating in it. Jello does not ever ever have fish bits floating in it. Do I really need to move on to number two?! No I will not try it. No. No. No. No. Stop it. Stop it I'm not going to try it. Stop. Stop. Stop it. No. No. No. Wait wait wait... maybe... NO. Jesus. I see where my mother gets her fucking persistence.

Addicted

2008-07-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

That Bridge Again

2008-07-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

Everyone who visits me in Karmanovo has to climb the bridge. It's tradition. Of course since I've climbed this bridge so many times now I get sort of bored. This time was a little more interesting because a train came right before we got to it, so we had to run for it. Well I ran for it. Mike was a pussy and just got off the tracks into the field. I ran for the bridge and made it just in time. I'm pretty bad ass. Then we climbed on top and gang signs were thrown. Yeah. I know. Shut up. I get bored.

In retrospect Mike never even lived in Western Mass so I don't know why I kept trying to make him make the gang signs for it. Though come on, he lived in Brookline for mad long, if he was going to claim a "hood" that should be it. What the hell does VA stand for anyways? Is that even a real place. I bet it stands for like Vagina Army or something equally stupid.

Sasha's Kitten

2008-07-14T04:25:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while, but with school and everything I've been pretty busy. I've crocheted some stuff, but really nothing to post about. This is a kitten I made for my cousin Sasha upon request. The link to the pattern is here

I sort of had trouble sewing the eyes, I don't have any buttons here (I'm in Moscow for the summer) and while I'm sure I can buy some somewhere, I've been trying to get better at sewing. Over all it was a pretty easy pattern, I recommend it.

Mike Visited Me in Karmanovo

2008-07-14T03:37:00.000-07:00

Mike visited, it was pretty fun. We got soaked running to the train in the rain, only to arrive and realize that it hadn't rained in Karmanovo. It never actually ended up raining. This guy on the train asked me if Mike was my husband. I know I talk about this a lot, but it amazes me how early people get married here. Not my boyfriend. not my brother, my husband. Right away. Then again in the grocery store. No no, he's just a friend. Oh so your boyfriend? No MAN, he is JUST a friend.... I'm going to throw these potatoes at you.

Immediately upon arrival I was given 40 bucks to spend on beer for us. Beer that we proceeded to drink in a day. Yeah. You heard right. 40 dollars worth of beer, finished in a day. Don't underestimate us. Mike met his target audience, aka the kids, I realized I had the weirdest fucking laugh ever. WHY has no one told me this?! I mean I know all about my weird voice and how yes I sort of have an accent sometimes... but the laugh?! I sound like a deranged clown. Why has no one shot me through the heart or punched me in the face in terror?! Or do you just all talk about it behind my back and throw me pity looks when I'm not looking. I bet you do. The kids at least are slightly honest about it. I laugh and they laugh at me. Why has no one told me?!

We actually had a bunch of fun with the kids. We went bike riding, and fishing and to the canal. It was pretty beast. The bike riding was especially extreme since I had to take Georges bike and George rode on the back of Mikes. I mean not to be an attention whore about it or anything, cuz yeah I think George had the most uncomfortable seat in the house... but have you ever ridden on a bike when the seat was so low it constantly felt like you were biking up hill? Cuz I have. Yeah. Then I took it to the next level and made a movie. I even used the word eXtreme in it. I DO want a medal, thanks. A shiny gold star will also do. A round of applause would be great (but only the kind where you clap your hands in a circle, the other types aren't as cool).

Officially A Grandmother?

2008-07-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

I think I qualify. All I do is cook, crochet and play with kittens. Oh and dream about the days gone by when I used to get laid. I refer to that time as "The Golden Months".

The Cooking:

The Crochet:

(oh STOP it!)

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

The Kittens:

There are no pictures of me not getting laid. Sorry. Also I'm sorry if the crochet kitty was creepy because it has no eyes. I hate sewing on eyes. They always come out crooked and weird. My sewing isn't up to par with my crochet yet. I can tie AWESOME knots though. Without even trying. I'm really talented in that department.

Bells at Novodevichy Convent

2008-07-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

This is right next to my house actually, so I hear this every day. Nevertheless I still have not figured out when or why these bells ring. Pretty though, right?

It's been raining oh so hard

2008-07-03T10:22:00.000-07:00

This is what it sounds like outside my window. It's been raining like this for several days now. It comes in bursts. Heavy heavy rain, ominous thunder and then, in an hour to sometimes just several minutes, the sun comes out and twinkles at you, denying there ever was a mini monsoon outside your window.

I don't necessarily mind the rain too much. It's cozy to listen to it thundering outside my window. It makes me even more lonely though, because all I want to do is do cozy cuddly things. Like crochet, watch videos, cook and cuddle. Basically I become a grandmother. True Dat!

Isn't it loud?

Oh Mathew!

2008-06-26T04:38:00.000-07:00

This never fails to make me cry!

Lost In Translation

2008-06-23T04:59:00.000-07:00

It's my lovely lady lumps... Ok?

Maybe not in Russia. It's ok. It's ok. Don't look so confused. Try again. Sing something else.

Nice. Nice. Good Choice. I like your repertoire so far, "My Humps" and "There's something in my tummy, Oh Yeah". You must be really popular in kindergarten.

Irony Of Fate

2008-06-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

I Think About You When I Eat

2008-06-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

I pout when you aren't online.

My Pupils ARE Different Sizes

2008-06-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

Look! Look! Look! Look!

I think I like the eye lashes on my right eye the best. Yes yes. My right eye is my favorite. If I become a one eyed pirate that is def the eye I would display. It's decided. Whew, one important decision, out of my way. Hooray!

Susliks Birthday

2008-06-16T06:09:00.000-07:00

His name is Leisha. I know I KNOW! It's just. This is the kid that used to have a really big head and would dress up to play soccer! The kid that I used to make up stupid bicycle games with and who would walk me home. Who I would sometimes make fun of because I was a whole year older and thus much much wiser. It's really inappropriate to keep calling him "Suslik" which basically means gopher. Now he's twenty and we're toasting his health and happiness and goodness gracious I forgot that it's customary to drink after every toast. Wow. Thankfully the table was well set. Vodka, Champagne, Wine, and then moving away from alcohol, there was every kind of cold salad imaginable, little sandwiches with caviar, fresh vegetables, and that was just the first course. Well the alcohol was for every course. Then for the second course there was this amazing chicken and then cake... his mother is amazing. Not only did she set this amazing table TWICE, having done so the day before in Moscow, but also she sat around and drank with us, telling us tales of whats important in life.

You know how grownups lecture you on that you are like "I KNOW, I KNOW, god shut up!" but you don't say that because you have to respect your elders? Well it wasn't like that. Natasha was so just such a nice, happy woman and she told such heartwarming tales and she prized friendship over all. How loyal friends were the best thing anyone could have and things like that and told stories about how when Leisha was born everyone arrived to the hospital to wish her well... I don't know it just sort of struck a chord in me. I guess it's because my family moves around a lot, and it just works out that most of the support and love I receive comes from my friends, but well, she sort of reaffirmed the fact that friends are very important. I mean well duh, of course they are, but I often get shit from my family because they think I'm overly loyal to my friends and they keep repeating "Friends aren't forever". Yeah well, I mean they kinda are.

Here are these kids who I don't see in forever, who I see maybe several times a summer every few years and they still accept me back with open arms. They've all grown up, and I know that there is no way I'll ever get back those golden days of childhood that were spent adventuring out around Karmanovo, but they are still around. They still remember. God our summers were fucking golden. Our parents would all send us here to live with our grandparents and we would have such adventures. Tom and Huck style. It makes me sad to think of this as in the past. To think of these kids as grown ups. It fucking sucks. At the birthday I teared up at one point, after learning my friends were getting married, and I thought it was the alcohol but it wasn't. I have to end this post before I end up bawling my eyes out which will result in my mother coming in and mocking me.

And though the shadow of a sigh

May tremble through the story,
For "Happy summer days" gone by,
And vanish'd summer glory-
It shall not tough with breath of bale
The pleasance of our fairy-tale.

Lewis Carroll

Rules of Karmanovo

2008-06-16T03:50:00.000-07:00

These are The Rules of Karmanovo established in 1995 by my Grandmother Valya with whom I lived with during the summers there.

#1. Do not sit on the benches in front of the store. Only Alcoholics, Bums and Men sit on those benches. Nice young ladies do not. If you sit there EVER I will know because I have friends and they all go to the store and they will tell me. OHHHhhhhhh how you will get it then!

-> At first this rule was easy to comply with because I had no money to spend at the store, and also because the benches were terribly dirty. Then. New benches were built. My friends started sitting on them. I started standing near by, oh so casually leaning against the side of the store. Then I got bolder. I started crouching near the benches, anxiously searching the faces of any elderly woman that passed by, looking for a spark of recognition, because all of my grandmothers friends look the same to me. Finally, when I was about 16 I would fearlessly sit at the benches daring anyone to say anything... and if I saw my grandfather or grandmother biking up to the store... I would either jump up and run into the store or hide. It depended on how far away they were.

#2. Be home in time for meals. Otherwise you will not eat.

-> I would have never ever EVER broken this rule if I knew when meals were supposed to be. But see my Grandma was sneaky, she'd SAY 5, but what she really meant was "I want you to be home at 5 because you need to peel a pound of potatoes and weed the entire garden and then tame that wild stallion". Then she would say it was to give me an appetite. Meanwhile I had already gotten an appetite from running around breaking all her rules, so really this was unnecessary. Which I demonstrated by never showing up on time for meals. I always ate. Except now there are so many people at my house that if I don't arrive in time, I actually don't eat and no one feels any pity for me and I am forced to chew on bread while people putter around me mocking/judging/making bets on how much weight I'll gain this summer. I hate them all. GIVE ME BACK MY CONDENSED MILK IMMEDIATELY!

#3. Do not swim in the Canal, it is dirty and far away. If you drown I will not help you.

-> Well, technically jumping off the pier into the Canal isn't swimming. It's more like falling and then getting out. So really I don't think I broke that rule. Oh. Oh never mind I did, I forgot about that time we went skinny dipping. Also since the getting out of the water required swimming I guess I did break that rule after all. Honestly, my grandmother clearly underestimated the power of peer pressure and the fact that I'm a dumb ass. So once again, not my fault.

#4. Do not climb or go on the Metal Bridge. You will die. If I ever see you on there I will find that whip I SWEAR TO GOD!

-> Oh. Well. Haha. I had to find out why that rule merited the threat of whipping. Well hmm, its a metal bridge, meant for only trains, that's built across a river. Where coincidentally an old wooden bridge used to be so if you fall off into the river, you can actually impale yourself on some old wooden posts. If your name happens to be Vlad, oh well wouldn't that be ironic.

Not only did I break this rule, I positively demolished it. Hide and Seek or "Priatki" was a favorite game on the bridge, with "Salki" or Tag, not far behind. We would literally risk our stupid little oblivious necks running at break neck speeds over the top of the bridge, or sliding down underneath it to hide in the beams. Then when an elektrichka (train) would come we'd scream shrilly and either stay on and hold on or run off the side of the tracks while the bridge shook and the sound of the train whistle and screeching metal filled the air, almost deafening us. Then after it passed we'd get out from our hiding places with shining eyes exchange thrilled/scared/excited glances, while our hearts pounded with adrenaline.

I love the bridge. I love climbing it, I love the views from the top and I absolutely love that while the pier has been fenced in and is no longer jump-able, the benches have once again fallen into disrepair, and I don't get those same kinds of home cooked Russian meals... the bridge has stayed the same. I'm still forbidden to climb it, I still do and my Grandmother still scolds when she sees the photos.

You could have fallen off!

What? I was climbing a ladder and then I was standing on rather wide pieces of metal! How could I have fallen off?

You could have lost your balance!

But I wasn't balancing! The beams aren't narrow! (Though honestly this is a valid point, I often lose my balance just standing and such)

There could have been a strong wind!

There was no wind!

Here my mother oh so helpfully chipped in:

A bird could have knocked you over!

What? Wait... what?

Are you serious? A bird? Could have... flown into me? What kind of birds do YOU deal with on a daily basis?! What are you talking about!?! Are you seriously suggesting the scenario that I would be standing on top of the bridge, and some deadly kind of swallow my kamikaze into me and knock me over?! First of all I haven't even seen any birds bigger that swallows around, especially not in the day time. Second of all, that deadly bird of yours is required to not only pick up enough speed to actually knock me over, but to specifically AIM for me. Do you really think that that is even a possibility?

My Mother: You never know what fate has in store for you.

That night a bat flew into my coat. Honestly.

Karmanovo!

2008-06-16T00:40:00.000-07:00

I'm serious about the sky being closer here than it was in America. The weather almost seems to confirm the closeness of the sky, it changes so momentarily that sometime I feel like I can influence it. Russian thunderstorms are perfect weather when reading The Master and Margarita by the way. Next lazy day I have, I'm taking the Russian version of it to Sparrow Hills, and when I come across the chapter where the Master says his goodbye to the city, I am going to wander around and try to find the exact spot where that bizarre company stood on their magic horses. It exists. I know it does.

Everyone was in Karmanovo this weekend. It was some Russian holiday, so it was a four day weekend, starting Thursday. Sasha was there, with Anya and basically everyone else. Well not everyone. But a large chunk of everyone. We went exploring. We drank (of course). We climbed bridges. Got sunburned. I got a new camera! Basically stuff happened. Good stuff. There needs to be some kind of order, and I need to eat. SO I think I'm going to run down to the store, get some food, then while I'm cooking it, I'll break things up into posts and will fill you guys in on what went down. I'll give you a teaser: Gang signs were thrown, and there are a few more photos in which I look Asian. GET EXCITED. Hopefully this wont be like the last time I planned on breaking things up into several posts and I just ended up... well... I didn't do that. Haha. I will this time I will!

Aren't my friends pretty?

The Bears Got Me

2008-06-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

I cried.

Just imagine this scenario. You are peacefully lying in a loft bed, innocently reading out loud from Dr. Seuss's The Cat In The Hat, when out of nowhere, a Bear punches you in your left eyebrow. You do not expect this. In fact, my reaction was to scream "WHATTHEFUCK?!" and almost fall out of the bed. That's until the pain hit and stunned me into being immobile for a few minutes. Then a few seconds after the first wave of mind numbing pain subsided a bit, I was able to curl into the fetal position with my hand over my eye and commence the sobbing/hysterical laughter.

No seriously, first of all I think my eyebrow is fractured or something because it's VERY sensitive to the touch. Also I am terrified of sleeping in the lofted bed since clearly being 2 feet from the ceiling will not have any affect on flying bear attacks.

Reasons why I am afraid of the loft bed:
1. I can fall out of it
2. The ladder can break loose from the bed and I can fall
3. It was constructed by some random male my mother captured in the building and thus I do not trust that it is well built. I am going to say it has NO structural integrity. I'm not quite sure what that means. But I am sure the bed doesn't have it.
4. Loose screws fall onto the mattress and then I get scratched
5. Rape By the Lego-Men
6. Bear Attack

... really the list can go on and on and on.

The Bear:

Oh Oh! Do NOT be fooled by the cuteness. Or the plastic. This is one mean/deadly son of a bitch. It is not just a random plastic bear, who you'd imagine weighs nothing and just sits around brining happiness and light into lives.

Well. He brings light. When he has batteries. That's right. This is a bear FLASHLIGHT! Oh how useful and adorable, you might exclaim. Well shut the fuck up. That makes him heavy and classifies him under things you could be bludgeoned with. You wont think he's so fucking adorable when he's flying at you going 50 mph.

NOT. FUNNY. AT. ALL.

I want to mention that the reaction of my mother was to laugh. While her daughter was sobbing and in obvious pain, did she yell at George? No. Did she ask if I was ok? It doesn't count if it's done while laughing. Actually she asked me to be careful and not break it. It BROKE my FACE!!

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!

I Am Going To Get Fat

2008-06-09T11:18:00.000-07:00

This is what I eat for breakfast almost every day. Or a version of this. I learned how to cook Blini the other day, though honestly since we only have Kefir (I think it's sour milk) and not milk, they come out a bit odd. It doesn't matter though since I drown them in condensed milk anyways. Mmmmm, liquid sugar. How I love you. I have no qualms about feeding it to children either. It makes George shut up for longer than five minutes, which everyone thought was impossible till now. I think it's because his teeth are stuck together, but hey if it works it works.

Cooking my odd shaped Blini. They look more like Sirniki.

George really helps the cooking process.

We actually eat so much condensed milk that I needed to buy a new can yesterday. By we I mean George and I. Think about it, have you ever had a can of condensed milk run out? It wasn't old either, it ran out in a week. A WEEK. You Americans probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

Actually, condensed milk doesn't only come in cans now. Yeah, it comes in plastic packets too, that's what that is in the first photo. A little condensed milk trivia for you there.
Mmmmmm. When I come back I can cook some for you if you like. I can recreate this magical magical experience. You know you want it.

Masha you broke the camera!

2008-06-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

What?! No I didn't! Just turn the knob so that the setting isn't video but normal. The KNOB. Woman, woman, WOMAN, just the knob... the knob, yes yes... no. No. THE KNOB.

Yet she still managed to take two videos of nothing. Great.

A Taste of Russian Culture

2008-06-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Masha, My Mother says to me... let's go out today. It is such a nice day, let's go enjoy the weather and the sights. Alright. Well that doesn't sound bad at all, let me cancel my plans.

"What exactly are we going to do, Mom?"

"Oh I don't know, let's see where the day takes us... I sort of want to visit the furniture museum."

"The furniture museum?"

"Well it's more like modern art. There are gardens there. Ice skating too!"

"Oh, weird. Sounds cool. I'm down."

So we leave our little house, and it is quite a nice day out. I'm convinced that the clouds in Russia are much closer to the ground. I feel like I can touch them if I jump high enough.

"Masha, Masha, here stand here, this is a great photo opportunity! You can show your friends!"

"Well.... ok. I'm pretty sure it's just a street sign and a beer truck... but ok. Sure"

Then we went the Metro. It's actually against the law to take photos inside, I have no idea why but it is true.

"Masha, Masha, watch out for policemen, I am going to take photos!"

"Ok. Wait Mom, aren't those policemen over there?!"

"NO! HAHA. You are stupid, those are students training to be policemen, see they are wearing greenish gray? Well policemen wear just gray! Honestly, Masha!"

Yes yes of course. Just gray. How amazingly STUPID of me. All those years of college, gone to waste, honestly. Meanwhile she takes about four photos, two of which are of the lamps. No no Mom, they ARE really cool lamps. Honestly. The coolest.

We arrive at the Modern Furniture Art Museum.

Otherwise known as Ikea.

"What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck?! What the fuck is this?! Where are the gardens?! The Ice Skating?! This is NOT a Museum of Modern Art!"

"Ikea is very modern Masha. Also it sells art! I'm not a liar there are gardens! There is ice skating!"

"You said we were going to enjoy the weather!!! See some sights!!! You have taken me to a GIANT SHOPPING CENTER!!!"

"Masha, do you think we should get these matte plates in brown or the gray? And look at those cute little cactus's!"

"Gray... God DAMMIT! I hate you"

The Gardens. Inside the Giant Shopping Center. Otherwise known as Capitalist Hell.

She didn't lie about the Ice Skating Rink. I guess. I mean she didn't exactly mention it was in a Mall... but ok. You know what, I'm trying to be positive here.

I've been bamboozled. By my very own mother. For SHAME.

She just walked by and hit me for not reminding her to buy hangers. I live with the DEVIL.

Кавказская пленница

2008-06-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

Or "How A Lack of Sour Cream Nearly Led to My Kidnapping". Alternate street title of: "What The Fuck?! I Am Definitely Worth More Than Two Chickens and A Goat You Asshole!"

Why the fuck does this keep happening to me? Do I look buy-able? First in Casablanca, now here. It's always for livestock too, never anything really awesome. Woohoo a camel. Ooooh great a goat. Why not some gold? A piece of land somewhere? What the fuck is anyone going to do with a goat?

I was just going to the village store for some sour cream that the children could put on their cottage cheese... No I'm serious, I don't get it either but that's what my grandma told me! I WASN'T ASKING FOR IT OK?! Russian kids eat weird shit. Anyways. So here I am, all innocent, listening to Paper Planes on my ipod and maybe slightly getting jiggy wit it (nah nah NAH nah nah NAH NAH), when I realize that this guy has been walking slightly behind me, and talking to me.

(On a side note: How much do you hate it when people talk to you when you have your headphones in? I always feel mad guilty but at the same time I'm like, dude they are lime green headphones, how do you not see them? Do you not know what they mean? I'm hardly wearing them as a fashion statement, you now? Unless the statement is "I'm fucking listening to some sweet jams right now because I don't want to hear the surrounding bullshit")

Anyways. So I take the headphones out and he comes up to me, and the minute he starts speaking I realize that ethnically he's not Russian. I speak in a slightly accented Russian, but this kid sounded like Borat on crack. Maybe that's his game: he spouts ridiculous shit and the ladies don't run away screaming because they aren't sure if they heard him correctly. Then before they know it they are lovers in his apartment, with her parents the confused owners of some useless livestock. Very naice! Basically this is the conversation:

Him: Young lady! Young lady... hello?!
Me: Um. Hello
Him: Young lady, may I make your acquaintance?
Me: (awkward pause) Well. Sure, alright
Him: My name is Alec
Me: My name is Masha
Alec: Masha?

(Yes only the most common Russian girls name ever. Dude you are in Russia. Why the fuck are you repeating my name like you are trying to get the pronunciation right? There is no fucking way you have made it across the border, and this far into the country without encountering another Masha. No. Fucking. Way. So basically you are a moron. )

Me: Yes. (Moron)
Alec: Masha, when I saw you pass my gate, I thought "This girl is very not bad. Very pretty".

(What a great shitty compliment. At least he had an ok follow up. I bet he hit on me because I still had the dandelion wreath still on my head like an idiot. Oh an in the language of flowers, Dandelions mean coquetry. So not only do they steal the light and other nutrient from REAL flowers but they also RUIN LIVES. Yeah I said it. Dandelions aren't real flowers. Bring it, dandelions. BRING IT.)

(On another side not, Dandelion wreathes are pretty easy to make -> I can teach you. If you aren't a total idiot.)

Me: (Pause) Oh. Well. Thank you. I think.
Alec: Masha, may I make your acquaintance as a lover?
Me: (Long confused pause) Wait... what?
Alec: I wish for us to become lovers. Us! Lovers!

(Very long pause during which I stare at him open mouthed and very confused, still trying to figure out whether maybe somehow I misinterpreted him. Alec meanwhile is nodding his head enthusiastically, smiling but completely fucking serious. I only wonder if this has ever worked for him. Clearly not if he's accosting strange women he sees on the road to be his bride)

Me: No... no thank you.

(I pride myself on being polite)

Alec: Oh well can I have your number?
Me: I don't have a number. I'm not from around here.
Alec: (Suspicious look) You don't have a number? Where are you from?
Me: America. Boston. (In response to his confused look I elaborate further, trying to enunciate more clearly) U S A! America!
Alec: Is that near Dubna? (The neighboring town)

(What the fuck is wrong with some Russian people? This is even worse than that time this Russian girl, after learning I was American, asked me whether I lived in L.A. or New York. Ummmm New York I guess? I didn't even really bother trying to answer Boston. The girl was clearly an idiot)

Me: (incredulous look) Um... no. Not exactly. At all. It's a different country
Alec: Oh. Ok. Sure. So what is your number? Give it to me.

(I hate it when people don't believe logic)

Me: I. DO. NOT. HAVE. ONE. I am visiting my Grandmother.
Alec: Fine. (pause) So do you want to be my lover?
Me: No!
Alec: We can get married. I have an apartment.

(Oh what sweet words! Truly a great and wonderful word smith. My knees tremble at the romance of it all. This is basically his version of "So cutie, wanna fuck?")

Me: So do I! I have an apartment too!
Alec: I have a goat.

(Bastard got me there)

Me: (Pause) Oh. Well I don't have a goat. Still no.
Alec: You have a man?
Me: YES!! Yes. Yes. I have a man.

(Realizing my stupidity for not trying this tack before, and praising Nick for his existence since sometimes I suck at lying, I grab on to the idea rather enthusiastically. To the point where I almost shout yes. Inside... I was dancing. I'm not ashamed to admit it)

Alec: (seems upset) oh. (silent for a bit)
Me: ...sorry.
Alec: Well do you want to be my lover sometimes? When your man is not around?
Me: No. No. No. One man is more than enough for me thanks.

(Foolishly I try to reason with him, yeah because clearly he is very logical)

Me: Listen, you don't even know me. What if these aren't my teeth? What is I am horribly ugly and snore very loudly?
Alec: Haha. You are funny. I can buy you from your man.

(This actually freaked me the fuck out, because for one horrible moment I thought that he actually had the power to buy me, and everyone knows that Nick loves a good deal. Also since he no longer has kitten, he might be looking for a new pet. Ok this actually has the power to frighten me still)

Me: Um. What? No...
Alec: I have two chickens and a goat.
Me: Well... as FINE of an offer as that is, the answer is still no.

(Important Lesson learned: Sarcasm is NOT universally understood)

Alec: You tell him. He'll trade. Here is my number. You may call me. Any time.
Me: I don't want this, I have no phone.
Alec: You know, in my country, I could take you and you could just be my wife. (Pause) (Bright Smile) Call me!

(HOLY SHIT! Did he just threaten to kidnap me?)

Me: (Absolutely fucking terrified) Yes. OK. bye.

What. The. Fuck. No seriously. I need to eat a yogurt and thank god for my close escape. WHAT THE FUCK.

This is a great old Soviet Movie about Bride Kidnapping. It has the Russian three stooges and the dance that my mother is still trying to convince me is sexy. I believe her.

I'm HERE!

2008-05-28T03:20:00.000-07:00

My mother won't stop commenting on my blog title. I can tell we are really going to get close these next couple of months. Whether I like it or not. No mom, no my friends know there are no bears in Moscow. Yes yes it IS a bustling city, and there is much commerce (I am almost positive that she doesn't actually know what this word means but has heard it used in a similar context). Yes I'll be sure to mention how there are not that many bears in the city... What the fuck? not MANY bears? why the fuck are there bears? WHAT?!? Circuses... ok. The Zoo... ok. What do you mean Museums? Oh dead ones... ok. WHAT DO YOU MEAN STREET PERFORMERS?!?! Oh dear god just please go get me some grapes, I have no idea what you are talking about. Thank you.

Toy Story is on in the background and its that scene where Buzz and Woody are meeting all the deformed toys in that bad boys room and my little brother is scared. This means he is no longer jumping up and down on the couch but has his arms wrapped around my neck and is whimpering. Fucking Adorable. I had to add the fucking because my lil bro is bad ass ALWAYS. Oh ok so it's a different scene now and I am no longer Fearless Defender against Scary Movie Scenes but Head Lego Constructer (...of the universe I hope). I've missed this. It's true.

Ok I have to go fulfill my sisterly duties and construct a Lego truck for George. I will be on later. I don't think I'm going to go anywhere tonight. Well except maybe the blues bar that is ACROSS THE STREET.

Cabled Ear Flap Hat -> aka I have the flu

2008-02-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

I have crocheted hats for like a billion people but couldn't for the life of me crochet myself a hat... or scarf for that matter. I'm too picky, I get caught in these existentialist struggles concerning my identity and how it will be reflected by the hat/scarf I choose to make for myself. I know thats absolutely ridiculous yet I find it SO much easier to make stuff for other people. Finally though I stumbled across Rheatheylia's free pattern for a cabled hat on her blog and was totally inspired to make my own. I used Caron Simply Soft in silver for the hat, and it came out really nice, like the yarn wasn't too heavy, it was soft and stretchy... basically perfect. I lined it with black fleece because the hat was a bit drafty due to the cabling. I was hoping to have it finished in time to ward off the flu thats been going around... alas I was too late. I finished the hat last night while watching lectures and this morning I went to the health center and was diagnosed with the flu. Dammit!

I guess I have time to make an accompanying scarf... though I'm really having trouble picking out a pattern. I'm experimenting with some of my own original ideas... I think I want the scarf to have a braided rope-y look, reminiscent of the braided cords on the ear flaps. What do you think?

Georges Dragon

2008-02-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

Yes I think its pretty much official that my little brother is dragon obsessed. I made this over a month ago, but I haven't had a chance to post it up because life has been very hectic lately. I used a modified version of THIS dragon pattern. Once I realized it was all a matter of increasing and decreasing in certain areas I started winging it. Which may explain why my dragon looks slightly like a seahorse.

I would also recommend NOT asking picky six-year old boys their opinion or input. Right away they demand something impossible like "Can you make it breath actual fire?". Um. No. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! I wish I could. Jeez. Also George wanted me to attach the wings in a way that I didn't really understand so I just attached them the normal way and when he saw the dragon he burst into tears and asked me why I messed up the wings. Hmph. This was after I had spent like two days working on it with him looking over my shoulder and being all like "Why isn't it done yet? Why are you eating instead of working on my dragon? Where are you going, you need to stay home and work on my dragon!". SHEESH. I threatened to take the dragon and then he was all like "NO! This is the best dragon ever! Thank you my wonderful sister, you are beautiful as well as talented...". Well I wish he said that. No but he did thank me and about five minutes later demanded a companion for his new friend.

I also left the embroidering of the eyes and so on to my mother, so this really isn't the finished dragon, but now that I am back at school I do not know when I'll have new photos of it. So here it is.

Pretty Pretty Apron (w/link to Pattern)

2008-01-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

This apron nearly killed me. Not because it was difficult to make (though I hate hate hate my grandmothers sewing machine with a passion now) but because my mother kept giving me helpful hints that would just confuse me and have me sitting on the floor looking at all the pieces for hours having no idea what she was talking about. Finally when i decided to ignore her, it started coming together quite nicely. I used this Craftster tutorial, though I tried to make it even cooler by adding a top... then that didn't quite come out so I left just the skirt.

I am fully aware this is not a really flattering photo and that my breasts look about the size of my head but I wanted to show where it fit on the body. I have no idea why my mother isn't capable of taking a photograph without: A) me looking terrible, B) making some wildly amusing joke concerning my breasts or C) forgetting where the Zoom and/or Shutter Button is. Anyways I actually found a bunch of awesome Apron patterns online that I am going to try out, I think these are pretty good projects for beginners. I made this one for my roommate Allie for Christmas, I think the colors will really suit her.

My Tea Wallet!

2008-01-17T19:34:00.000-08:00

I was brainstorming things I could make for my roommate Irene for Christmas, since we're exchanging gifts when we get back to school, when I saw this post on Craftster which then lead me to THIS tutorial. Small hint btw, you have to scroll down some. Well I know Irene likes tea, she is super busy and this didn't seem too complicated to make for a beginner sewer so VIOLA! A Tea Wallet was born. I followed the directions some, but also winged it a lot but I think it didn't come out half bad. I used the same pink fabric as from my crochet hook case, but I actually bought a different hounds tooth fabric since I ran out of the other one. I didn't choose the same combo because I'm cheap, I just really think she'd like the color combination. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out.

It needs a button, I am aware. But I didn't (and still don't) have one. Also the button is going to have to be on the wrong side since I messed up a bit and attached the loop on the wrong side. I know this may sound stupid but the whole " stitching the right sides together and then turning them inside out" thing baffles me. Well not when its simple like that, but when I also want to add a loop, or ruffles... I get stuck. When I first tried to attach the loop, I attached it in such a way that when I turned the wallet right side out, the loop was no where to be seen. I am so talented. I didn't mind redoing it though because I was using my best friend Tia's super tricked out sewing machine and it was SO much fun.

My sewing machine almost literally bites. The foot pedal is super super sensitive and if I want it to go slowly I have to touch it with just my pinky. Anymore pressure and it starts going to fast that by the time I get my foot off its sewed a really wavy line across my project and some of my sleeve. Terrifying. That's why the seams on the apron I made later (on my own machine) are so crooked. I tried people! I tried SO HARD. But I'm saving up money for a sewing machine of my own so that I don't have to use my grandmothers anymore. I found a few reasonably priced sewing machines with the functions I want. Basically I just wanted a machine that has a button that you can press to sew. Like Tia's machine did. I still lust after that function. Also a speed control is very needed. We'll see, we'll see.

Little Brothers Slippers

2008-01-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

My little bro got jealous of my super awesome thick slipper socks so I made him some. They match his pjs and sort of look like smurf shoes. Thus, they are awesome. They also make his feet look a whole lot bigger then they actually are but I think its the camera angle. The only problem is, is they are sort of slippery on our hardwood floor. Well its only a problem for my mother and I, as George thinks this is great. He actually managed to get enough speed to slide across our living room, crash into a chair and break off one of its legs. Since he was unhurt he thought this was super cool. My mother did not. So maybe I'll find something at the craft store later this week to attach to the bottoms of the slippers to stop him from sliding so much.

Currently I am crocheting him a dragon. So I can't wait till that's done to post it up. Other then that I've been having a pretty mellow vacation. I've gotten into sewing though I'm not that great at it yet. I made and apron and a tea bag holder, which you can check out on my craft page. Also I have devoured all the Harry Potters, and a ton of other books from the library which I think are now all overdo and for which I believe my mother is going to kill me for when she finds out (I used her card).

I hope everyone has been having as nice of a vacation as I have (or just a nice January). I am going to Mexico on a family vacation on the 20th, but I'll try to post as many things as I can up. I apologize for the blurriness of the photos, I didn't realize they all came out like that. Damn my camera for being bought about 8 years ago.

Ned the Naughty Narwhal

2008-01-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

When I first started crocheting my guy friend D asked me to crochet him a bag for his bong. Since that was not what I wanted to be crocheting, I wanted to be crocheting beautiful wraps and scarves and blankets, not a bag that would probably take a while to make and then get lost in someones house. That also couldn't be whipped out to show off, like a scarf could be. "Here mom, look at this great bag Masha made for my bong!" was not a cry I think I would hear. Ever. So basically I never did it, but this vacation I hung out with him again and was telling him about all my crafty activities when he brought up that bag. Oh the guilt. I had been telling him about how I made a hat for my boyfriends sister, and meanwhile I had neglected to make anything for D, and I had known him for about 5 years! That was basically the guilt trip he used on me. Or something like that.

Instead of asking for a bag for his bong, instead he requested one for a newly acquired bowl of his. He even sent me the measurements and everything, and asked to make it super padded because his stuff goes through a lot. I had been surfing Craftster and was specifically looking at a shirt embroidered with Narwhals when his data came through. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. AHA! I would crochet him a hollow Narwhal I could put a bag in. Discreet, fun AND handy! Thus Ned the Naughty Narwhal was born. He only took about a day to whip up, and actually making the bag to put inside him was much harder. I sewed two tubes with an open and closed end on each, and basically put one inside the other. Then I stuffed scraps of fleece in between them to make the bag super padded. After that I sewed an elastic onto the open end.

Let me tell you about sewing the elastic. First of all, it didn't really work out since I totally didn't think about how the fleece would be way too thick to fold too much, so as of now the elastic is stuck in this half way expanded position. Second of all, to sew the elastic in, I fitted the fleece tube over a water bottle, then fitted the elastic over the open end, then folded the fleece over on top of it and sewed it shut. Let me tell you, hand sewing through four layers of fleece is very very hard. Especially on your hands. I have actual calluses! I look like a lady pirate. Well my hands look like the hands of a lady pirate. Especially since I painted those dragons wings and the red watercolor paint is still sort of all over my hands. Red like blood! Arrghhh Matey! Ok back to the point. It took an ass long time to sew the elastic band in, to no real satisfaction since it didn't end up working really at all. Then I sewed on the eyes and mouth, and it was done! I also made the bag removable so that he could just through it in the washing machine when it gets too smelly. Genius huh.

Except for the super rad photo session with my little brother. Like my waves? He did the sun. I'm very sorry if I offended anyone with all my references to drug paraphernalia. I hope you like Ned though, no matter what your stance on certain issues is. I also hope you will all agree that my little brother is perhaps the most adorable kid in the whole wide world.

Crochet Hook Case

2008-01-03T21:38:00.000-08:00

I made one. It is far from perfect. I wrote more about it on my craft blog since technically it isn't crochet. :) Be nice. Sewing Machines are scary.

Crochet Hook Case

2008-01-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

The Finished Product:
The havoc of creating the finished product:

So I decided to sew myself a crochet hook case as a starter project on the sewing machine. I figured it would be easy, and was not even dismayed when I realized that I did not have a ruler and would have to measure and cut everything evenly by laying down a piece of white paper on top of the fabric. Then I realized that threading a sewing machine is really really difficult when you have no idea what you are doing. So is threading the bobbin because first you have to be aware of the existence of a bobbin before you can actually realize to thread it. I'm not even sure its called threading it, I think it might be winding. Knowing what a bobbin is and what it does helps as well, as you are far less likely to think "oh I don't think I REALLY need that". How foolish, how very very foolish.

(I sort of conquered the sewing machine in terms of the hook pockets, but thats mainly because they had lines I could try to stick to)

After I had the sewing machine ready and waiting I was optimistic again. Sure that took around three hours and a few bitter tears, but its going to be so much fun now, I thought. I was already imagining the pretty dress I would sew out of some scraps of fleece and a napkin, for OF COURSE I was going to master the sewing machine in like three seconds. HA. HA HA HA. Right. OK. First of all the pedal is possessed by the devil. I gently, every so cautiously put my foot down on it and the needle nearly eats my hand. Good god. How ever do you control the edges, so that the machine sews in a straight line? Never mind that, but how the hell are you supposed to back stitch over that same line, except now with only one hand holding the fabric and the other pressing in a button on the machine. Jesus. So basically it was really hard. Thus my Crochet Hook is not as pretty as I would have wished for it to be. Not at all.

In fact this might be the messiest and imperfect project of mine that I have ever posted. Please don't be too harsh.

I mean its pretty easy to see where I messed up. I didn't have enough of the checkered fabric left to finish the front of the needle book cover, the seams are all messed up because previously there were two layers of flannel in between the pink but that made it WAY too thick.

There are no hooks in it because I forgot them all at my bfs house in "twohoursawayfrommenowheretownMA" with my awesome scissors so I have been using my moms manicure scissor and now have the threat of death hanging over my head. Also I planned on it closing with a snap of some sort but then in a fit of rage (over yet another necessary ripping out of stitches) I ripped some of the pink material and had to just wing it. Ugh. God. Now that its done with I'm pretty proud though. I used a couple of links but since I don't really know any sewing lingo and cannot visualize half the things they were talking about in some of the crochet hook tutorials I basically winged it A LOT. Which clearly was not the best idea. Oh well. What do you think?

These are the links I used:

This is where I got the original idea to make a crochet case from!

This is what made me think it was going to be easy

This is the super complicated/detailed tutorial that made me despair

This is the blog that helped me understand how to stitch the hook pocket without the stitches showing through on the other side. A simple idea I could not understand.

And last but not least. This is the blog that helped me figure out how to make the needlebook

Maybe once I regain some of my confidence, I will try the satan machine again, and will make myself ANOTHER crochet hook case :)

Pattern for my Slipper Socks

2008-01-03T19:22:00.000-08:00

I have just taken off my Slipper Socks for the first time to examine/count the stitches to give you the pattern. I HIGHLY recommend using Lion Brand Wool-Ease Thick and Quick yarn as it is the perfect thickness for warm slippers, comes in great colors and since it is so bulky it takes only a few hours to whip these up. I used a K hook and basically only sc stitches.

(This pattern is worked in continuous rounds)

The Pattern:

Chain 3 and join together to form a ring by working a slip stitch into the first chain made

1. Chain 1, work 6 sc into ring [6 sc]

2. Work 2 sc in each of the next 6 sc [12 sc]

(An example of continuous rounds. Instead of slip stitching into the first sc, and then chaining one, I just sc'd into the first sc and continued single crocheting around and around. Does that make sense?)

3. Work 1 sc into next sc and then 2 sc into the sc after that and repeat into next 12 sc [16]

4. Work 1 sc into next two sc, and then 2 sc into the sc after those and repeat

5. Continue to increase stitches until you can put your toes into the circle and fold it and everything fits comfortably.

(Ahhh roomy but not too wide... a perfect fit)

6. Once you reach that point sc in each sc around and around till your sock reaches where the gray is on my sock (where your ankle starts).

( Check out where I am pointing! Thats where you should stop crocheting around. At the end of the gray yarn and coincidentally where my finger is pointing!)

7. Then sc in half of the next sc's. So lets say you have a tube of 20 sc's (the size of my slippers), sc in next 10 - 12 sc's. Then STOP. Do not continue stitching around and around, you are now making the bottom of the slipper and are working back and forth in rows.

8. Turn, Ch 1 skip first sc and sc in every sc

9. Turn, Ch1 skip first sc and sc in every sc

( Rows 7 through 9 are demonstrated by the dark orange yarn. The light orange is a good demonstration of Row 10. Especially at the end)

10. As you get closer to the end of the heel. Ch 1, 1 sc in first sc, 1 sc in each of remaining sc, 2 sc in the Ch-1 at edge

11. Repeat row 10.

12. When your bottom goes past your heel, fold the heel end of the slipper in half, with the wrong sides together and join the back heel seam. I just sc'd through the two sides and fastened off.

13. You should have something that resembles a Turkish slipper.

14. Join the yarn to the top of slipper and continue to sc in every sc round and round till you reach the desired height of the slipper.

I hope this pattern was everything you hoped for and more. Comment if you don't understand anything, or if you need more directions, I know I'm not the best at writing out patterns.

I hope your feet will be as toasty and happy as mine are! :)

Happy New Years! AND Slipper Socks!

2007-12-31T23:17:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! Happy New Years everyone! I hope everyone had a great New Years and spent it exactly how they wanted to. I spent mine with good people AND I got some crocheting done earlier in the evening. So basically it was pretty perfect. Also my New Years dress was pretty and comfy and that was pretty perfect too.

As for the crocheting... WELL. Basically my mom keeps bugging me to wear slippers around the house, which is hard because I'm not used to that and I keep losing them. Also they are annoying. Unfortunately my feet tend to get absolutely freezing ALL the time. No no, its not because I walk around bare foot, I deny this. It must be some weird unexplained medical phenomenon that causes the temperature of my feet to fall below freezing. That must be it. Maybe I'll be in the New England Medical Journal soon and will get all famous and then you can brag to your friends about how you actually KNOW me. Or read my blog. Same diff.

So I crocheted myself up some slipper socks. They were amazingly easy to make once I stopped looking at "How to crochet a sock" websites and decided to wing it. Amazingly easy. Like no counting stitches, no memorizing what to do next kind of easy. They came out big and bulky and silly and warm -> which was exactly what I wanted. I also sort of mucked up the heels a bit and made them a tiny bit bigger then they should be, but its ok, they don't look too weird and I'm thinking about lining them with my leftover black fleece so they will be even MORE warm. Amazing. I know.

Best part is, I used mainly the leftover yarn from all my hat projects. I had several little balls of Wool-Ease Thick and Quick yarn left over, and they weren't long enough to make any hats, or be the trimming for any hats... yet they were too long and pretty to throw away so I decided to use them. Well I guess I could have made a funky scarf but my feet were cold and thats often when inspiration strikes.

If you want the tutorial it can be very simply added, its just late so I am not going to do it right now. :)

Black Curacao Shawl -> New Photos!

2007-12-24T21:43:00.000-08:00

So for my grandma this Christmas I decided to crochet the "Blue Curacao Shawl" from the "Amazing Crochet Lace" book by Doris Chan. I bought the book several months ago and had not done a single project in it, mainly because at the time of the purchase I had not yet discovered my aversion to unoriginal projects. Don't get me wrong, the shawl is beautiful, the pattern was easy to read and I whipped it up in two days. My grandmother loves it. It's just the only thing that's different between my shawl and the shawl in the book.... is the color. I don't mind using other peoples patterns as long as I switch up the color, or use a different yarn... something to make the pattern more tailored to my tastes.... and not just another cookie cutter copy (I'm not even sure if that last cookie part makes sense but it sounds so great!). I have no photos of my grandmother modeling it yet, mainly because I finished the project about an hour after we exchanged presents and then I had to wet block it.

Don't mind the two tone background behind the shawl, I just needed two towels to stretch it out on. Happy Holidays!

Finals Over = Giraffe Hat MANIA!!!

2007-12-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

Finally finals are over. Ugh. This week was one of the most intense weeks of my college career both mentally and physically. I can't even count how many allnighters I pulled, but currently I have no voice, a runny nose and I have been nauseous all day. The worst part is (yeah there is a worst part, I know, right... what am I going to pull out of my hat now? Kitten in a coma?) that I am hungry but am nauseous at the same time. Ok sort of anticlimactic, I know. But I haven't eaten since I ate fries with Rose yesterday at like 5. That's it, that was the last thing I ate. Ridiculous, I know. But you know, you have to look at the bright side of things. I'll be REALLY skinny if this keeps up. Or dead. You know one of the two.

So for I finished the Giraffe Hat I was making for Rose for Christmas and I think it came out pretty good. I'm currently working on finishing lining her matching scarf and then she will surely be the coolest kid at the playground. Or the Zoo. But at one of those locations she will win the prize for sure. Here she is doing her mad sexy 80s Giraffe mating dance:

Nice moves. Real nice. I know what your thinking. Well no I mean I know what you will be thinking after you stop thinking all those pervy things about Rose. The horns are too long. I keep thinking that too. Well actually I don't think that until I see them in photos and then I think it. Oh well, check out the sweet pompoms!

I will post photos of actual finished scarf later. I won't bore you with photos of like a corner of an unfinished scarf anymore. No, from now on... I'm a professional. Ok I gtg watch 30 Rock and try to eat something

So I am being quite crafty lately

2007-12-10T17:50:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately a part of my craftiness I cannot share with you because it is part of a Secret Santa Exchange. Also its not completely done. But I wish I could share it because I am soooo excited about it. Have you ever had that feeling of realizing you are good at something? Like you didn't know you were good at it, and you try it, and maybe you aren't the most amazing at it, but you are just really really really NOT bad at it? Well its a pretty good feeling. Feels nice. Sort of balances out that bad feeling I have about not knowing fractions.

Another part of my craftiness has to do with cooking because basically now I cook like woah. Ever since I realized cooking from scratch is cheaper and better tasting than buying prepackaged foods. Like the mushrooms I bought. I bought 2 boxes of white mushrooms for like less than 5 bucks (they were on sale), and a little bag of shitake mushrooms for like 2 bucks and have been making mushroom soups and mushroom sauces like I am the mushroom queen of Amherst. The Queen of Edible Non-Hallucinogenic Mushrooms of Amherst. No other variation of that title can I claim. Unfortunately.

So I tried my hand at making mushroom sauce today because I was finally getting low on mushrooms (after a week and a half and two batches of mushroom soup). I sort of winged it a bit from the recipe. Mainly because I wanted it to be creamy enough to pour over the Fettucini I was making, but yet more gravy-ish then the Mushroom soup I had previously made.

I chopped up half an onion, two cloves of garlic, and fried them together with 3 tablespoons of butter. It looked so pretty and yellow in the saucepan.

Then I added the chopped up mushrooms, fried that all up together. Then I added two tablespoons of flour, and some half and half (though the original recipe I was trying to base my creation on called for milk. But I didn't have any milk which I thought was really stupid of the recipe not to know). Seasoned it, added some sweet basil (probably the only part of my whole concoction that followed the original recipe) and Viola!

Mushroom sauce!

+

Yummy Spaghetti!

=

Dinner!

Well dinner plus apple juice. Yummmmmmmm. I'm pretty proud of this. This took less than half an hour and I only used like the bare minimum of utensils and pots, so cooking time combined with cleaning up time was under an hour. Go me!

My Dad's famous!

2007-12-08T13:05:00.001-08:00

Well sort of. He has his own billboard and is on a bank atm ad in Perm, Russia. I don't have my own billboard nor do I advertise for any bank so I think this is pretty cool. Also I wish I had a wish I had a white chefs hat like the one he is wearing. By the way he is the chef. Don't know if I made that clear.

Here is another one of the billboard. Cool, huh. On the ATM photo, it says "Your business, Your bank" in Russian.

Gusteau: You know what I say. Anyone can cook.

2007-12-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

Remy: Yeah, anyone can cook. That doesn't mean anyone should. ~ Ratatouille (2007)

What a great movie. My father the chef adores it. As does my little brother, the six year old. But this post doesn't have anything to do with them really. It has to do with the amazing dinner that Sarah, Jessie and I made this Thursday. It might actually not be that amazing or fancy to other people, but in College, when you are basically surviving on anything that has "easy to make" and "microwaveable" on the box, it was pretty special. It started off with a light salad made by Jessie, and then this amazing Tortellini pasta with green beans made by Sarah and accompanied by this made from scratch mushroom soup that I whipped up and then dessert was Creme Brulee that I have recently learned how to make. Since I made only the Mushroom Soup and the Creme Brulee I can only post the recipes for those dishes.

Masha's Creamy Mushroom Soup

Ingredients:

Mushrooms (the more the better)
Half an Onion
Some Garlic
Cup of Chicken Stock
Cup of Half and Half
1/4 Cup of Butter
2 Tablespoons of Flour
Salt & Pepper to Taste

1. Chop up the mushrooms (I used White and Shitake mushrooms), as well as the Onion and the Garlic ( the garlic is to taste, I for one LOVE garlic, so I used one large slice).

2. In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter and add the mushrooms, onion and garlic and saute until tender and smells great. Add the chicken stock and cook till its basically boiling.

3. In another smaller saucepan, melt some more butter and stir in the flour till smooth and then add the half and half until its creamy (though when I made it, it looked quite doughy and I was quite concerned).

4. Mix in the mushroom/chicken stock mixture into the half and half and flour mixture, and cook/mix until it becomes creamy and amazing. Add salt and pepper to taste.

I really like this recipe, and its pretty hard to fail at it. After you saute the mushrooms, all the other ingredients can be added in different ways (there are a bunch of different versions of this on allrecipes.com). It's pretty filling and really good to dip crackers in I think. I can't tell if the second photo makes it look gross or not. Hmmm. No I really can't tell. I think maybe gross. Oh well. It was delicious.

I already mentioned Sarahs amazing Tortellini Pasta concoction, but really it was quite amazing. I heard this rumor, that Sarah cooks like this all the time. Which makes me very jealous of her roommates, and a bit like a poser, because I might love to cook but I honestly don't very often. I mostly cook a whole box of pasta, dump cheese over it and then stick it in the fridge, taking it out, putting some of it in a bowl. Microwaving it, and then grating some fresh tomatoes over it. Thats it. I don't make masterpieces like this:

I wish I did though. But I do make Creme Brulee. So I am pretty proud of that. I got obsessed with it over the summer, mostly because I don't like many desserts. I hate chocolate, I don't really have a sweet tooth, and my favorite dessert to date has been cheesecake. Plain cheesecake. Though I did go through a strawberries with whipped cream phase. Point is, sweets are the enemy. Yet I do get these cravings for them once in a while, which are very annoying because I tend never to have anything sweet on me. I do like skittles, but I never crave them so I never buy them.

This summer I tried Creme Brulee at this fancy dessert place called Finale that just opened in Coolidge Corner. Or maybe they had been open for a while, but I only discovered it in the summer, so thats when it began existing. I SAID THATS WHEN IT BEGAN EXISTING. Do not argue with me. Anyways their menu was very uninteresting to me because everything seemed to contain chocolate, or came with a side that was chocolate, and so on and so forth. So I ordered Creme Brulee because it was Vanilla and came with fresh fruit and nothing chocolate. It was amazing. It was the best dessert I had ever tasted and suddenly could understand how women could compare chocolate to sex. I mentioned this to my father and he bought me my very on Creme Brulee making kit a few months later. With a torch and everything. So this is what I made for dessert.

Actually I had sort of over baked this batch so the consistency was more whipped than custard-y. Also it was sort of stress-full because it turns out Sarah and my friend Suma had never even tried Creme Brulee before so then I got all paranoid thinking that I could ruin the experience for them. Thankfully they loved it. Though I really think it was the whole melting of the sugar with my torch thing that sold it to them. Sorry for the blurry image, its the best photo of it. Clearly I need a new camera or to somehow develop the skills to master my very old one. I found the recipe on allrecipes.com so I wont bother writing it out since it isn't my own. Horray for the best dinner ever! Hooray!

Ugh Drunk College Boys

2007-12-06T22:05:00.000-08:00

... being loud and drunk under my window certainly destroy my calm and pleasant mood. I feel like I might have even had the possibility of being quaint and precious and sweet without being annoying or fake. Sort of like Posie. In fact I am so absorbed in her pretty, joyful and colorful world that mine is beginning to be quite gray. And lacking any adorable puppies. Well now that you know my obsession you are probably going to mock me for any changes I make to the format of my blog. Just like when my roomie Suzie totally called me out for dyeing my hair brown to look like Rorie Gilmore. I was quite ashamed, but now feel even more foolish for not trying to lie and say it was to color my fading purple hair. Because I did have fading purple hair. Because I was Leela from Futurama that Halloween. Because I am bad ass. Here is me when I just sprayed it with temporary purple hair spray.Unfortunately it rained on Hampshire Halloween that year (just like this year) and it sort of looked horrid. Also quite old lady looking. Well maybe not in this photo. But in the photo where it does very white and purple and scary.... well I look all scary and white and not good and purple.

So instead lets look at this photo where I look all bad ass. Or this one where I look EVEN MORE bad ass. Its true. Look. I look positively Gangsta.

Ugh my bf just looked over my shoulder and started getting up all in my grill in the annoying way. Meh meh bleh what does all this have to do with crafts. Meh bleh bleh... it isn't THEMED. GOD. Totally has to ruin my mood. He is sort of right. I mean I meant to write about the soup and dessert I made tonight. Because thats crafty. I can write the recipes and they are sort of like patterns. Ok But one last photo because it shows me after I dyed my hair a more semi-permanent shade. Ok now this isn't just some totally random ADD blog, now it totally has a flow. A cohesion. Its basically a haiku. Tmrw I will post the food photos and recipes.

Lining Hats

2007-12-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, exams got hectic and also lately I haven't been really designing anything new crochet-wise. Mainly just crocheting up promised hats to friends based on the hat pattern I had previously posted here. I tweak them to make them more individual, like making the front flap more rounded, or the ear flaps larger/smaller, switching up colors, making them without stripes.... so on and so forth. But it's still basically the same hat. I am pretty sick of hats actually. The only thing that makes making them fun is lining them, which I have just started doing.
It's all because my little brother had been complaining that his Dragon hat is itchy, which surprised me because I never really found the Wool-Ease Thick and Quick that itchy for acrylic yarn. In fact I was a tad insulted and began to doubt my crocheting skills. Thoughts like "He was lying to me, he hates my hat!" and "I am a horrible horrible crocheter if I can't even crochet a hat for a five year old" invaded my mind and caused much torment and undoing of hats. Then after hanging around him for a few days during Thanksgiving I began to doubt my logic of "Saying it doesn't feel nice equals he hates it". Mainly because that would mean he hated his coat. He hated is shoes. His sweater, his mittens and even his underwear were offensive to him. The book called "A porcupine named fluffy" aroused the deepest sentiments of loathing in him for the pages were much MUCH too stiff. So that's when I decided to learn how to line hats. I don't think I could have done it without Norma and her easy online tutorial.
My first attempt was with my friend Sarah's Hat, but the lining wasn't fleece, it was actually jersey so it was a little difficult at first to size it correctly. I used light pink embroidery floss and a reverse backstitch (which I had to learn but am now obsessed with). I don't think it came out too bad. What do you think?

Hmmm in second thought that's not exactly the world's greatest photo of it. It looks sort of bunchy and not good. But look at the front of the hat that has that beautiful display of reverse back stitch seaming and not the back of the hat which displays what happens when I realize that width-wise I have some extra fabric but length wise its a bit short. Important thing is, is it fits well, its not baggy or too tight when on, and you can't see the lining from the outside except hopefully a hint of it when I finish the ear flaps. Also my second task is to figure out how to cut fabric in a trapezoid but with ear flaps shape. This is a bit complicated as it involved buying whole yards of fabric and not 1/4 yards like I do (I am an extremely broke college student! Don't judge me!).

This is how my little brother's hat is looking. Except a tad less orange. I see this is my slightly artistic shot in where I don't use flash. Nice. Wow its fuzzy too. For those people whose vitamin C daily intake I have just upped by 40%, you are welcome and also, do not worry this is the inside of the hat. THE HAT IS TURNED INSIDE OUT! Let me try to find a less fuzzy better close up of the seams I suspect I have. No No I do not. Never mind. Just imagine the most beautiful stitches you have ever seen, and I assure you, they are in/on that hat. Poetry in motion. Yay!

DRAGON SCARF! Finally!

2007-11-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

It turns out my boyfriend had my camera in his room even though I called him before I even started searching and he said he didn't have it. So I searched my entire room, then I logged on to Craftster.org , read all the wonderful comments that were made on my Dragon Hat post and then I literally tore my room up all over again looking for the camera, so excited was I to show off my Dragon Scarf. So here it finally is! TADA:

Imagine that paired with my little brothers Dragon Hat. I think it will look cool. I also just realized that I am wearing the same sweatshirt in all of my photos but thats because that's my lounging gear. I often crochet when I lounge.

I crocheted this with my standard thick and quick wool-ease yarn. For the flame I crocheted the bottom flame in one piece and then layered some crocheted triangles and smaller crocheted flames on top of it. I can probably whip up the actual pattern but it basically consisted of a lot of increasing and decreasing. Here are some close ups of the scarf:

Also for the flame I found some old dark red yarn I had (not thick and quick) and slip stitched around the bottom edges and the top middle line twice and around the other edges once. I slip stitched twice around the bottom and top middle line twice because the orange showed through too much after I only slip stitched once, I thought. But then I got lazy and didn't end up slip stitching twice along any other edges. Also you can't see it, but I bought some shiny/sparkling metallic red thread and sewed it across the middle line.

I made the scarf itself thin enough to wrap around Georges (my little brother) neck. I basically just single stitched two rows of one color, then two rows of the other and so on and so on. It was 8 stitches across total I think. I also lined it with green flannel, so that it wont be too scratchy (even though I don't think the yarn is scratchy at all, but you know little kids). It was my first time lining anything, but I don't think it came out too bad. A little bunchy perhaps.

I also embroidered Georges name into it but it came out crooked! I let it stay that way though because I was lazy and I am a very inexperienced embroiderer. Also the main reason I embroidered his name into it was because I didn't want him to lose it in kindergarten, though upon further contemplation I realized that probably not many other kids would have a dragon hat and scarf ensemble.I lined the scarf and mouth with yellow yarn because I wanted to hide the edges of the lining a bit and also because I wanted to make the mouth part a bit bigger so that it was more proportional to the flame.

I also crocheted two teeth/fangs with thick and quick wheat colored yarn but I'm not sure I like how the came out all that much. The mouth itself was made by increasing stitches after wrapping it twice around my neck and figuring it was time. So I increased stitched until it looked wide enough for the fire to come through (which was around 14 stitches I think). Then when crocheting the next row, I only crocheted 6 stitches, then turned then crocheted another 6 stitches and I did that until it was long enough for the scarf to get through. Then I slip stitched down the middle side, slip stitched in the 7th and 8th stitch of that row and then singled stitched 6 stitches, turned, and repeated until it was approximately the same length as the other part. Then when it was the same length I just did one full row of color (14 stitches), 6 single stitches on each side and two chains in the middle.

Actually what I think would work even better, (because my mouth came out a bit too big and I had to stitch the two sides together at the top and bottom and also had to slip stitch around the mouth area), was if you didn't even skip any stitches, if you just single stitched 7, then turned and single stitched 7, and so on and so on, following the instructions above. I think that might look better and not end up as big as mine did. Though in my defense I was making this pattern up, and it WAS easy to fix.

The yellow scales around the mouth were just made by single stitching triangles with the base of 5 stitches, then fastening them off on top and starting a new triangle. I tried just single stitching down the side of a triangle after I was done with it, but then they weren't as sharp and I didn't want particularly rounded edges.

So there it is, my imagination brought to life! I hope you like it. I also really really hope he likes it!

I lost my camera

2007-11-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

...In my room somewhere. I'm pretty sure. Very upset over that because I finished my little brothers dragon scarf on THURSDAY but my camera didn't have batteries in it so then I went to buy batteries.... and now I can't find my camera. AAHH!!! SO frustrating. It might be because my room is a mess because I just stocked up on some more yarn and fabric because both Michaels and JoAnns Fabric were having sales. I guess I'll finish my roommates hat and make a scarf for myself. Hmph. So upsetting.

Georges Dragon Hat! Now with Pattern!

2007-11-14T16:56:00.000-08:00

Thats him wearing it. Haha. I whipped it up in an evening, after visiting home and noticing that he is OBSESSED with Dragons right now. You should have heard the disgust in his voice after I offered to make him a Thomas the Train Engine hat. Apparently that's soooo 2 years ago.

By the way this is my little brother George. He is 5 (turning 6 in December). I am 20 and turning 21 in February. Fifteen years is a pretty big difference but he's one of my best friends.

I am also making him a Dragon Scarf, which as soon as I am done I will post photos up of.

I crocheted it using a K/ 6.5 MM hook and Lions Brand Wool-Ease Thick and Quick yarn. Then I just crocheted some triangles in the same yarn just in yellow and slip stitched them to the hat. It sort of looks like a mowhawk.

I've had some demand for the pattern so here it is, (this is from memory since I'm back at school now and my lil bro is in Boston):

I used the Lemon-Grass and Cilantro colors for the hat and the Citron for the spikes. If you don't want to alternate colors then just don't switch colors every round, if you do then do! It doesn't really make a difference in terms of the pattern. This hat is worked continuously in rounds.

Hat:

Chain 2

Rnd 1: Work 6 single crochet (sc) in 2nd chain from hook [6 sts]

Rnd 2: Work 2 sc in each st [12 sts]

Rnd 3: Work 1 sc in next st then 2 sc in st after that, repeat [18 sts]

Rnd 4: Sc in each of the next 2 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [24 sts]

Rnd 5: Sc in each of the next 3 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [30]

Rnd 6: Sc in each of the next 4 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [36]

Rnd 7: Sc in each st around [36]

Rnd 8: Sc in each of the next 5 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [42]

Rnd 9: Sc in each st around [42]

Rnd 10: Sc in each of the next 6 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [48]

Continuing rounds: You can keep increasing stitches until the hat is the circumference you want, and keep repeating rounds till its the length you want. I don't quite remember what my brother's hat was, I think I made it a bit bigger because I'm planning on lining it with fleece.

Fasten Off.

For the EarFlaps:

The Earflaps are done working back and forth in rows.

Rnd 1: Sc in next 9 stitches (increase stitches according to size of ears or the size you want the earflaps to be)

Rnd 2: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st and sc in next 8 stitches

Rnd 3: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st and sc in next 7 stitches

Rnd 4: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st and sc in next 6 stitches

Rnd 5: Ch 1, turn, Skip first st and sc in next 5 stitches

Rnd 6: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st and sc in next 4 stitches

Rnd 7: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st and sc in next 3 stitches

Rnd 8: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st and sc in next 2 stitches

Rnd 9: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, ad sc in last stitch. Fasten off.

Then skip as many stitches across the back of the hat as you need (depends on hat size). Then work the second ear flap same as the first.

I also like to choose a dark color and sc all around the hat and earflaps. I think it gives it a more finished effect.

For the Scales (scales or horns? I'm not sure):

I crocheted 5 triangles independently and then attached them with two slip stitch lines on either side, so that they would stand up. I'm sure there are other ways to do it, but this was fast and efficient.

My triangles had a base chain of 6, but it really depends on what size you want your scales/horns to be. Here is the patterns for my triangles:

Ch 6

Rnd 1: Sc in next 5 stitches

Rnd 2: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in next 4 stitches

Rnd 3: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in next 3 stitches

Continue repeating until only one stitch remains then fasten off.

Make 5 (or how many ever you want)

Then starting at the back of the hat, on one side of a scale/horn , slip stitch the scale/horn to the hat, then position another scale to line up with the previous scale, etc etc and keep slip stitching them to the hat until you are at the end, then slip stitch around the front of the last scale and slip stitch the other side of the scales to the hat. Then connect to the beginning slip stitch and Fasten off.

Weave in Ends.

This pattern is pretty accurate, message me if there are any problems. And keep and eye out for my dragon scarf!

Carlos's Hat update

2007-11-06T12:46:00.000-08:00

Wow this is probably really stupid, but I started making a hat for my mom in the same pattern and realized that I can make the rows spiral way prettier than they have been (if you tried the pattern you might have noticed that the change of color is sort of abrupt in the back of the hat). Basically you make the last st (usually a double stitch) of a row in the next color. Come out much better. I hope thats clear enough I'm not sure how to explain it better. I'll post photos of my moms hat (and hopefully scarf and mittens) as soon as I finish them.

Carlos's Hat

2007-10-31T14:53:00.000-07:00

This is a hat I made for my friend Carlos following a modified version of Aa rons Hat Trick #3. I used Lion Brand Wool-Ease Thick & Quick yarn and size K hook. I also worked mainly in back loops to create the ridged effect which I think makes the stripes look more defined. I'm pretty happy with how it came out, it was my first striped ear flap hat! I'm just afraid that it will be a little tight on him, but I figure it will stretch out. Also it's machine washable so that's great!

Also since this hat was for a boy, I made it a bit longer and wider around. Usually my rule of thumb is to stop increasing stitches when you find your perfect width (trying it on helps) and then sc in every stitch around and around till you reach your perfect length. You could also try increasing sts one round and then doing one round even after that.

There is something wrong with my kidneys so I've been told to rest up and drink lots of fluids. You know what that means. Naps, CSI and crocheting. Hopefully I will finish my friend Roses Gloves this week and will have photos and a pattern up later.

Here is the pattern for Carlos's Hat:

Hat

Chain 2

Rnd 1: Work 6 single crochet (sc) in 2nd chain from hook [6 sts]

Work in back loops from here on

Rnd 2: Work 2 sc in each st [12 sts]

Rnd 3: Work 1 sc in next st then 2 sc in st after that, repeat [18 sts]

Rnd 4: Sc in each of the next 2 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [24 sts]

Rnd 5: Sc in each of the next 3 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [30]

Rnd 6: Sc in each of the next 4 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [36]

Rnd 7: Sc in each st around [36]

Rnd 8: Sc in each of the next 5 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [42]

Rnd 9: Sc in each st around [42]

Rnd 10: Sc in each of the next 6 sts, 2 sc in next st, repeat [48]

Rnd 11-19: Sc in each st around [48]

Fasten Off.

First Ear Flap:

The ear flaps are done working back and forth in rows. I switched off doing back and front loops on each row so that front of the ear flaps would be ridged.

Rnd 1: Sc in back loop of next 12 sts.

Rnd 2: Chain (ch) 1, turn. Skip first stitch, sc in front loops of each st [11 sts]

Rnd 3: Ch 1, turn. Skip first stitch, sc in back loops of each st [10]

Rnd 4: Ch 1 , turn. Skip first stitch, sc in front loops of each st [9]

Rnd 5: Ch 1, turn. Skip first stitch, sc in back loops of each st [8]

Rnd 4: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in front loops of each st [7]

Rnd 5: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in back loops of each st [6]

Rnd 6: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in front loops of each st [5]

Rnd 7: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in back loops of each st [4]

Rnd 8: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in front loops of each st [3]

Rnd 9: Ch 1, turn. Skip first st, sc in back loops of each st [2]

Keep repeating till only one stitch remains, then fasten off.

Second Ear Flap:

Skip 8 sts across the back of Hat. In next st, join yarn with slip st then follow the same pattern as for the first ear flap.

Front Flap:

Sc across the front of hat to the second ear flap, Ch 1, turn. Repeat the last row 9 times, alternating between stitching in front loops/ back loops. Fasten off.

Edging:

Join yarn in the front edge of an ear flap and then just sc around .

For the Ear Flap ties I just braided all the colors I used. But you can use any technique. You can braid, I've also done Monks Cords and so on.

That's my kitten playing with the braided tie of the hat. I will post more photos of his adorable face later

Butterfly Beauty Turban by Dot

2007-10-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

I found this great Turban Pattern online when looking for interesting crochet patterns. My roommate Allie got my interested in Turbans after she busted one out recently. I unfortunately cannot always pull off her fashion stylings, but this turban is surprisingly easy to wear. I wore it with my pea coat recently and got some compliments :). Check out Dot's site though, she has some really cool patterns on there. I basically followed her crochet patterns except for a few modifications.

The Modifications:

I repeated row 6 twice.

I crocheted 7 rows of butterfly stitches. So basically I repeated row 8 five times, and then went back to the pattern, crocheting her row 11 and 12.

I added the extra rows because I wanted a slightly longer turban and also I liked the way more butterfly stitches looked. Altogether my turban was 17 rows long.

I used Lion Brand Yarn Vanna's Choice in Purple and I think either a J or H hook. I'm pretty terrible at gauge and such, so I basically experiment until I figure out the correct hook size. I don't really make those little squares, though I should really start.

Kendals Fishermans Hat (with Pattern)

2007-10-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is a hat that I made my friend Kendal, I'm pretty happy with the way it came out. I used Lion Brand Wool-Ease Thick & Quick Yarn and a size K hook. Over all it took me around two hours to make and that was while I was watching online lectures as well as taking notes, so needless to say this is a pretty easy project.

Kendals Fishermans Hat Pattern

Notes: This hat is worked in continuous rounds. Do not join at the end of rounds. Also I created the ribbed appearance by crocheting in the back loop of each stitch.

Chain 2

Round 1: Work 6 single crochet in 2nd chain from hook [ 6 stitches]

Round 2: 2 single crochet in each stitch [ 12 stitches]

Round 3: Sc (single crochet) in next stitch, then 2 sc in stitch after that. Repeat till you have [18 stitches]

Round 4: Sc in each of the next two stitches, then 2 sc in next stitch. Repeat till you have [24 stitches]

Round 5: Sc in each of the next three stitches, 2 sc in next stitch. Repeat till you have [30 stitches]

Round 6: Sc in each of the next four stitches, 2 sc in next stitch till you have [44 stitches]

Round 7 - 20: Sc in each stitch around.

You don't necessarily have to do 20 rounds, just Sc around evenly, trying on the hat until it covers the ears.

Fasten off First color and join Second color.

Round 21: Sc under both strands of the V of the stitches in round 20 `

Round 22 - 25: Sc in the front loop of each stitch

Round 26: Sc in front loop of previous row AND in front loop of round 14. Fasten Off.

If you have any questions, or there are mistakes, post comments and I will reply.