Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I honestly can't wait to own property. That and unlimited money OH EM GEE. Oh on a completely unrelated side not, today I tried to text "what the hell" to a friend of mine and my phone auto corrected it to "what the hello". Which is now my new favorite thing to say. BAM. See how that happened? Welcome to my life.

Anyways. Back to dreaming about owning real estate and having millions of dollars. I'm very unique, I know. But I want to be able to tear up floors, lay my own; tear down walls, cry in frustration when I realize I'm weak and can't build them back up... but wait this is MY fantasy so in it I can be strong and capable, right? I will build furniture out of pallets and hope, refinish and repaint everything and create my perfect haven. The thing is, I do live in a pretty adorable apartment with my pretty adorable boyfriend and, in theory, I could save up money and buy/build all the furniture I want. Like a padded tufted headboard. Preferably in a slightly pastel aqua color. Or turquoise.

Like this:

Or this:

Actually some sort of combination of those would be amazing. I've scrolled through unique headboard ideas on design blogs with an almost perverted obsession. I've read the tutorials. Reread the tutorials. Lightly run my fingers across the tutorial photos on my computers monitor while holding my breath reverently. Ok maybe I didn't do that. Maybe I did. I AM NOT TELLING. Anyways.

This rather amazing tutorial actually instructs you on how to make an ENTIRE upholstered bed. Oh be still my heart. It doesn't even seem that complicated. But after reading and rereading it I've realized a number of things.

1) I can't do basic math. This tutorial involved measuring. I have a full bed. The measurements given involve a queen. I suppose I could figure out... no no I couldn't. I really couldn't. I haven't fully mastered counting on my fingers. The other day to illustrate my point about how I tried to wake Mike up 6ive times I held up just my hand. Yes I've noticed that I've written 6ive. That was an accident but it perfectly illustrates my daily dumb struggle with numbers. I meant to write six. I wrote five. Then instead of deleting "five" and writing "six", I thought that 6ive would work. Right. Moving on.

2) I could drill. I could hammer. I could put in the corner screws and I could even clear enough room in my bedroom to construct the bed. I want to be perfectly clear about the fact that I could construct this. If the measurements somehow were given to me by a trusted source. I could do this. Except for my cats. There is in no way Rex and Grisha would let me construct this. Oh I could lock them out of the room. Then I would have to listen to them whining. Crying. Fighting outside the door. Throwing themselves against the door. And the thing is...

THEY WOULDN'T STOP. Nope. They egg each other on, so its not like I can ignore them and eventually the Feline Armageddon outside the door would stop. Nope. Because they know I can hear them. THEY KNOW. And if I let them in... well if you've ever owned a cat you would know what would happen. Rex would try to help by lying across all the materials and since he's roughly the size of a pony he would also take up any space I planned on using to actually build the goddamn bed. Grisha would just eat the glue and then vomit on my laundry or something precious.

SO yeah. Even if the end result would look like this...

I would look like a cross between this:

And this:

The thing is, there are easier projects out there. In theory I don't need to build or buy a new bed frame. My stupid ugly metal one full of squeaks and evil IS fine. I just hate it. BUT, I could just make myself a simple padded headboard. Such as this. It's totally do-able. But I want tufts. Oh god do I want tufts. I could I guess modify it to have tufts. I could. I'd make the entire process much more difficult than it has to be, and will probably injure myself in some way... but I could do it. But the thing is, foam is expensive. Even if I saved up AND had a coupon to Jo-Ann Fabrics or Michaels... I couldn't justify spending that much money on a project I could mess up. I guess I need to stalk some more design and DIY blogs until I gather the courage to do this. Later I'll add what my current headboard looks like. You will go "Aw thats not so bad" but secretly will giggle and point. And pity me a bit I'm SURE.