Thursday, May 19, 2011


Tonight I made dumplings. I love dumplings. I LOOOOOOVE dumplings. So what if its a mite time consuming to make them from scratch? I mean I'm sure if I Google inspirational quotes at least 50% of them will be about how work/effort makes the resulting reward more amazing and blah blah blah. 

I mean, god that photo is making me salivate just looking at it. Thirty minutes of effort is surely worth this. Plus I would get MAD girlfriend points. That's how I convinced myself. That's pretty much exactly went through my head. In an effort to obtain extra girlfriend points I also changed from my work clothes to striped thigh highs and an over-sized sweatshirt because hell, might as well be the SUPER SEXY girlfriend that happens to also make her boyfriend dumplings from SCRATCH. Doesn't that practically make me a demi-goddess?


I think I imagined myself looking something like this:

I sauntered into the living room. I loudly proclaimed "I think I'm going to make some delicious dumplings. You like those, right?" (I'm very smooth, don't try these moves at home). Mikes response was something along the lines of "Um yeah, that sounds great. What are you wearing?". Clearly he was seduced by my outfit/culinary aspirations. I didn't say anything, I just strolled by and gave him a casual kiss and then sauntered onto the kitchen. 

That's when I began having problems staying oh so sexy. The onion I was cutting up was clearly from Satans own personal vegetable garden because instead of a little bit of tearing up I found myself standing over the sink, running water and sobbing. My eyes felt like they were being gouged out by a sea urchin. Oh my god the pain. Plus it wouldn't go away. This torture lasted around twenty minutes. Thankfully Mike didn't seem to notice so I was able to compose myself and return to being very seductive albeit with very red eyes. 

Then the stupid wonton wrappers wouldn't fold in a pretty manner. I even watched a Youtube video. But nope, they wouldn't stay pleated like in the photos/video. So I improvised. Unfortunately while concentrating hard on folding the wrapper correctly I was clearly overwhelmed when I succeeded and put the perfect dumpling in my mouth. And began chewing. I really don't know why. I was spacing out a bit, I was a little hungry... I don't know why I put my only perfectly formed dumpling in my mouth. 

So then I had to Google food poisoning from raw beef and that lead to tapeworms being typed into the Google search box... I was distracted for quite a while. Eventually I was able to return the the dumpling making. Though no more flawless dumplings were to be made. Because of course. About thirty minutes later I had a little plate full ready to cook.

Of course I chose to pan fry them, which involves first frying them in oil for a bit and then adding water and steaming them. Sounds easy. It isn't. I can never figure out how much water to add and basically... well lets just say they didn't come out looking like that first photo. 

Instead they came out looking like this

Don't get me wrong. They were still delicious. I taste tested one before arranging them on a plate to bring out to Mike. Then I realized I hadn't heard from him in a while. I mean he stopped by briefly while I was preparing the dumplings, BARELY acknowledged my cuteness and skills, took a photo for me and disappeared. Hm, I wondered, where's Mike? 

Yeah this was pretty much what was going on. UM. Why was my seductive culinary sorceress act not working? Where were my extra girlfriend points?! Excuuuuuuuse me?

Thats when I began to suspect that perhaps I didn't resemble an American Apparel model in my sweatshirt and thigh highs and instead like the love child of an eskimo and a witch.